George Mitchell issued his report on the abuse of steroids in baseball. The former Senator said baseball and the players' union share blame with players who used performance enhancing drugs by allowing the culture to exist. The report names Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite as players who used steroids. An attorney for Clemens says the seven time Cy Young Award winner denies the allegation. An attorney for Pettite advised the southpaw to not comment on the report. An attorney for Sammy Sosa says the slugger also denies using steroids. When told that Sosa was not named, the attorney said, "Oh. We hadn't prepared a statement for that possibility."

None of the seven people accused of plotting to blow up the Sears Tower in Chicago were convicted by the jury considering the case. One of the seven was acquitted, and the other six had mistrials declared due to the hung jury. Federal prosecutors will retry the six accused of working with Al Qaeda. White House sources issued a statement that the President is saddened by the hung jury, and promised families of the jury that he will pursue as terrorists those who hung them.

Police have arrested three men, and are searching for two more, for starting the fire that destroyed over 500,000 acres and 53 homes in Malibu. The five are suspected of starting the wildfire while drinking at a cave. Police were able to trace the men through a receipt left at the cave and video from the store where the alcohol was purchased. In a related story, Governor Schwarzenegger is denying allegations of anti-semitism. His staff issued a statement that the Governor was misunderstood about his comment that "Only Jews can prevent forest fires."

In sports, if rumors prove true, the Denver Broncos were eliminated from playoff contention last evening when they lost to the Houston Texans. The game allegedly was televised on the NFL channel. We are trying to verify the rumor, but, so far, neither of the two subscribers have been able to be reached for verification.

Finally, scientists in South Korea have cloned cats that glow in the dark. Researchers are hopeful that their findings, in the long run, will be helpful in preventing diseases in humans. Until then, they say the cats make great stocking stuffers for Christmas.